A dear friend here was invited to a wedding this past weekend and asked me and another lady if we would like to attend. Upon moving here you hear about the extravagance and beauty of a Saudi wedding, so for many expats it's on our "to do list" while in Kingdom. So I cleared the babysitting arrangements with my husband and accepted.
To begin, a wedding in Saudi Arabia is separate, meaning that just like the luncheon I attended last week, the wedding hall is separated into a women's and men's side. The women enter from a separate entrance and the two do not mix through the evening. Second, weddings here BEGIN at 10pm at the earliest. Guests tend to not arrive before 11pm on average. The reasoning is because of last prayer being between 8-9pm and the heat. The night time is obviously much cooler than during the day with the hot sun blaring down. The weddings tend to go well into the morning, with the average wedding completing around 4-5am, so for an expat, this is a bit of a challenge. I certainly cannot remember the last time I was intentionally up all night long! Good thing was, Abby was in bed when I left and still sleeping when I returned, so she didn't even know mommy was gone - in other words, daddy had it easy!
Now, the dress code for a wedding here is over the top. The fancier and more elaborate the dress, the better. The women dress for women, not for men and weddings are a perfect social event for them to uncover and show off. They spend most of the day getting their hair, makeup and nails done, and the dresses are amazing. They are ball gowns, and most all are long. Many are custom made with several embellishments and bling. The jewelry is also amazing and over the top. Bracelets, necklaces, earrings, rings, everything is real gold or silver and certainly they do not spare the expense on the accessories. The hair is perfect, the makeup fierce and the women are gorgeous. It's very hard to describe unless you experience it for yourself, but suffice to say, the three of us sat most of the evening just amazed at the dresses and the hair. We were constantly turning our heads, "Don't you love that dress?" "Oh, look at that one!" "WOW! Check out that bracelet!".
We arrived a little after 10pm. When you enter the wedding hall you are given a bag to place your abaya in. Many times, you can check them, but this particular wedding you were able to keep it with you, which was nice since at the end of the evening, or if the groom enters, there is a scramble for abayas and lets face it they are ALL black and it can get a bit confusing. So we removed our abayas and made our way through the entrance hall to the event hall.
The decorations were elaborate with fresh roses, red and white throughout. There was a large stage with a catwalk down the center, tables on either side, and when we entered, a line of couches where the family of the bride and groom sit. Keep in mind this was women only. The men have their own celebration in another section of the wedding hall.
We greeted each member of the family. The Bride's and Groom's mothers and grandmothers, sisters and aunts. Each one with a handshake and one kiss to the right cheek, 3+ to the left. We then found seating and a table with some of the bride's friends. The bride was a student of my friend, so we sat with some of the other girls from the college.
At the table were kahawa (Arabic coffee), Tea, water pastries and chocolates. During the celebration, the family of the bride, sisters and cousins brought around more sweets for everyone. I think all this sugar was an effort to keep us awake!
We then began to watch in amazements. There was a long "catwalk" down the center of the hall that led to a stage. There were fresh flowers and decorations all along the way. At the end of the catwalk on the stage was a large seat for the bride. After she makes her entrance, she typically does not take part in the festivities, but rather watches over the celebrations, takes pictures and receives congratulations from friends. Very different from my wedding where the party didn't start until we arrived!
On the stage were several chairs, and at the back of the hall behind the family were several chairs as well, not sitting at tables. These were for the mothers of potential grooms who were looking for a match for their sons. Yes, there are still arranged marriages here (this is Saudi Arabia) and the mother of the groom and typically the father of the bride work and negotiate to arrange the marriages. The mothers watch all the potential wives and the girls know they are, in a way, auditioning, so it's quite interesting to see. I will explain the entire process to the best of my understanding in a bit, but to get back to the hall itself and the festivities.
This long catwalk and stage is the "dance floor." There is a very simple looking dance that the ladies do down the catwalk to the stage as music plays. The dance is a bit of a shuffle with only the hips moving, a small dip now and again and a hand in the air. There are some turns as well. The women perform it with an ease and grace that is very pretty to watch and it looks as though they are somewhat floating down the aisle.
Now, I say "simple looking" regarding the dance, but as I found out when we began to dance with the women, it is not as simple as it looks. I was very self conscious since you make your way down this catwalk, and with us being the expats and westerners, we really stood out to begin with. There were around 500 women at this event, so imagine dancing in front of all of these women on stage. And for those who know me, I am not graceful, but it was fun! We did dance twice and the ladies were so nice trying to teach us the correct moves and showing us how to dance. While you are dancing the women will, at times, throw flower petals from the centerpieces to show their approval and happiness. This is mainly for the mothers and immediate family of the bride and groom in celebration, but some ladies were kind enough to shower my friends and I with the flower petals for our dancing efforts!
I have to add this part in too. On the stage was a larger, older woman who sat with a cane. Yes a long, bamboo cane. She was sitting just watching at first. By the end of the evening, I figured it out. There were of course several children at the event. This culture is a night time culture so although I was struggling, these kids were going strong. The woman with the cane was there to "protect" the runway and the brides seat from the kids. If the children tried to dance on stage or make their way to the bride's seat, the woman with the cane would chase them back to their tables. Here's the best part, children are children anywhere and you would see a small group of girls, around 4-5 years old, who would make a dash for the stage whenever this lady turned her back. The lady would turn and the girls would run to their seats. So adorable, and I know Abby would have been right in the middle of the game had she been there!
The music at the wedding is performed live with both a woman and a man singing. Now how do they do this? I just found this out after the fact, as I thought that the man's voice and music were recorded, however, I saw the woman singing talking on the phone quite a bit, so here's the explanation. The man is in another location, sometimes on the men's side, and they are communicating via telephone to the numbers they will perform. The man and women perform duets without ever seeing one another. To me, this certainly takes some talent as the performances were flawless and I would have never imagined that the man was a live singer with the women.
During this part of the celebration, there were several smaller traditions. The mother of the groom did a solo dance with a necklace of roses around her neck as women threw rose petals to her. She also threw money to the women on stage dancing. The two families did a traditional dance as well holding hands on stage. In addition, there is a tradition where the groom offers the bride gifts, elaborate gifts (mainly expensive, beautiful jewelry) as a wedding present. The mother of the groom and his family make a grand entrance with these gifts and take them down to the bride's seat before the bride enters. I'm not exactly sure if this is the first time the bride sees this gifts or not, but wow! When Chuck and I were married we barely could afford our own wedding rings, ok come to think of it, we actually paid them with a payment plan!
So the music plays, the women dance and socialize and this goes on until around 2-2:30am when the bride will make her entrance. So what is the bride and the groom doing all this time that the guests are partying without them? Here's what I understand and am told about the arranged marriages from a Saudi woman. The families will arrange the marriages. Typically the mother of the groom is very vocal and in control of selecting her daughter-in-law. The groom and the bride very rarely choose each other. There is no courting or dating here. The boys and girls are separated in school after a certain age, so the only men the girls have ever talked to are immediate family (fathers and brothers).
When a union is being discussed, some families will arrange for the potential partners to meet. This is the one time before the wedding the woman will uncover in front of her fiancé. This meeting is very secret and quiet and only fathers and mothers will attend. This time is for the discussions on dowry (which actually belongs to the bride), if a potential marriage will take place and also to see if there is any connection between the bride and groom. Most families will let the woman have a say. If she does not approve, she typically is not "forced" to marry. She may refuse the engagement. If the groom approves, he will give a sign to his mother and the mother will offer the bride a gift, typically jewelry. At this point they are engaged. The engagement may last 2 weeks to one year, but average time is only a few short months until the wedding.
During the engagement the bride and the groom may meet chaperoned, but oftentimes they will not communicate or meet again until the wedding. So, during the time we were all partying, the bride and groom were having pictures taken and this was their first time alone. The first time they were able to talk and meet one another, not only as people but as man and wife. Talk about pressure, you are just married and it is the first time you get to talk to and in essence meet your husband, alone without family, after the wedding! Please remember, this is my understanding as described to me from one Saudi lady on her experience, each family may handle the engagement and arrangements separately, but this is what I was told.
When the bride makes her entrance there is a scramble for the women to begin to cover, as sometimes the groom will enter with her. When I say scramble, one lady was covered with her baby blanket as she couldn't get her abaya in time. The bride enters on a balcony that overlooks the hall. The doors open and a very beautiful, dramatic piece of music plays. She enters and all eyes are on her. She tosses rose petals over the celebration and smiles as she is greeted as a wife for the first time. The actual ceremony between the bride and the groom takes place in private with 3 witnesses, usually the fathers and maybe the mother of groom present. So when you attend the wedding, you are actually welcoming the bride into marriage.
This bride was magnificent! Her dress was a more traditional white, full strapless gown with a low cut top that had large rhinestones across the bodice. There was a 6' train in back with layers of satin neatly folded down the back. The veil was amazing with ruffles and trim that complemented the dress perfect. Her makeup, her hair, she was certainly beautiful and outshines all the women at the party despite the elaborate dresses and makeup.
After the bride enters, she will make her way down the stairs to the catwalk and will slowly make her way to her seat at the stage. There are professional photographers there to capture her only. This whole process takes 30-45 minutes. Once she is on stage, the women will then walk up to greet her, congratulate her and if she likes take photos with her. She did ask us to pose for a photo with her, so I was very happy and felt somewhat honored!
After the bride has entered and been congratulated, it's time to eat! Now for us, it was 3:30am at this time, and needless to say, I was exhausted. However, I pressed on as the end was nearing.
The food! WOW! An entire room about 1/2 the size of the reception hall filled with food. Salads, rice, meats, you name it it was there. The desert table was the length of the room at the front with a 12 layer cake as the centerpiece. Now, this buffet was gorgeous, but it was Saudi style, like the luncheon we attended last week, which means, there were plates, but many women simply take a spoon and dig in. They walk throughout the buffet and sample each thing right from the serving trays and warmers. This included the cake, which women were simply taking a spoon and eating right off the centerpiece! For the few women who did get plates, there were some tables, but many filled up quickly, so these girls in their beautiful gowns were sitting on the floor. It was quite the site, but honestly as late as it was and as tired as I was, I can certainly understand. These women had been dancing for hours in high high heels and it was the end. You also have to keep in mind, this is traditional here and part of their culture. Me? I dug in as well. I was hungry and the food looked good, so I joined the women. Please don't tell Abby, I may never get her to use a plate again after living here!
After this, you say your final thank you's to the family and the goodbyes. The sisters of the bride brought each of us a rose from her centerpieces. I have kept mine and am drying it; this is certainly one thing that I want to remember and one of the highlights of my stay here. I am so happy to say that I have now attended a Saudi wedding and feel so honored to have been included in the bride's day. As always, the family was so welcoming and the women so kind and open to us. Although I was a guest of a guest, I felt as though I was certainly part of the celebration. I am eternally grateful to this family for including us and my friend for inviting me.
Just a note, I arrived back home just in time to be in bed by 5am. Abby woke me up promptly at 9am after asking daddy why mommy was still sleeping. Her exact words, "Daddy, I will handle this." Needless to say, I was exhausted and worn out, but it was well worth the sacrifice!