I do love that our family is together more than ever, not just our immediate family, but we get to see our extended family so much more. I know sounds crazy we moved half way across to the world and see family and friends more, but it’s true. Chuck and I lived in North Carolina for 8 years before moving. My family is in Pennsylvania, so we saw them, tops, 2-3 times a year (maybe 3 times a year once Abby came along) but it was only for a weekend to a week at a time. It was about a 12 hour drive and was just somewhat of a hassle, especially with a toddler. Well, in the last year, Abby and I have spent nearly 5 months with my parents. Our house in North Carolina is rented out, so mom and dad’s is our new “home” in the states. Grandma LOVES it that Abby is here, and has just as many, if not more, toys for Abby. She has her own bed and even clothes here, so she’s right at home at Grandma and Pop Pop’s. Honestly, I’ve spent more time with my family in Pennsylvania in 1 year than I have since moving to North Carolina nearly 12 years ago.
Also, I do love the time our little family gets together. Chuck used to travel for work constantly, but now is home every day, and even eats lunch with us. We spend weekends at the beach or just going to the park and having a picnic and playing. Abby is truly a daddy’s girl, and for Chuck, this is a huge bonus. He has always traveled and missed his other children growing up, so to have his baby girl around all the time is a dream for him (ok and let’s face it a little bit of a challenge).
The opportunities for travel and for Abby to learn other cultures are amazing. She loves to visit new places and I’m not sure if she’s ever met a stranger. She sees people as people, regardless of race, color, dress or even language. I love it! She has no problem shaking hands and saying hi to anyone at 3. I’m very proud of all that she has gained in her short life. She’s started speaking Arabic, throws in Spanish counting and of course English. I’m very proud of the little lady she’s become through this whole adventure.
All that being said, there are days I’m ready to throw in the towel. Sometimes the stares at our blonde hair do get frustrating. It’s hard for a western woman to understand not being looked in the face when addressed, or being passed by all together as though you are not in the room. It’s something I understand and accept, but some days I just miss when people would look me in the face and talk, rather than always addressing my husband first.
Convenience. I miss the convenience of America. Let’s face it – Walmart has everything and grocery stores have a huge selection of foods, produce, etc. We are a country that thrives on multi-tasking and easy. I miss going into one store and seeing clothing, electronics and groceries. Although there are some versions in Saudi, it’s not the same. One store has food, another has clothing, a third has the odds and ends you may need, so it takes longer to shop. With that the limited shopping times due to prayer are a challenge. I love coming to the states and shopping ALL DAY LONG – without interruption. Oh and with background music.
With that, I also miss preservatives. None of the fruits and vegetables have preservatives, so it’s hit or miss when you cut open a head of lettuce as to how many worms may be inside (I don’t eat salads in Saudi). Also, as funny as it is, most food doesn’t have nutritional value on the label. I’m so programmed to look at fat, calories and sugar that I miss knowing exactly what I’m eating or feeding to Abby.
I miss driving. The freedom to just hop in my car and go is a luxury, and having to rely on taxis can get frustrating. I miss my car terrible and love jumping in and taking a drive the minute in in the US.
The heat, the sand storms and the general hot weather do get frustrating too. You see the sun shining, but you can’t always spend the day out with a 3 year old. Sand storms are brutal, and throw the heat in, Abby’s allergies go crazy, so we spend days in the house. It’s hard to keep me entertained after a full day in the house, let alone a 3 year old. Walls do close in – and somedays I swear our house is a prison.
I miss my husband. We have been apart almost 6 months out of the year. From the visa processing time, to us coming to the states due to the summer, our family is separated a lot as well. I get so used to him being there, that it’s that much harder to leave. With that, Abby is a true daddy’s girl, so I feel her pain when we have to leave. We live on countdown calendars and Skype - Skyping up to 5 times a day to try and keep a normal life. For those times we’re apart, I am truly a single parent and I have to work harder to be mommy and daddy. This is probably the biggest and hardest sacrifice we make. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but I think any ex-pat will tell you this is the most difficult part of the lifestyle. It can take it’s toll on everyone, and you work even harder to keep your marriage going, while still keeping a “normal” life, despite locations and separations.
All of this is why you have to learn to look on the bright side and learn to laugh a lot. There are days I just get frustrated and want to throw in the towel. Chuck’s favorite phrase is “This could happen anywhere.” Well, yes, possibly, but some days it just feels like it happens more in Saudi. I think everyone has those moments when you think, “What have I done?” We all have moments where screaming and crying just release all that tension. Then you pick yourself up, think of the positive, see your daughter smile and hug her friend from Saudi or Lebanon or Pakistan, and you smile and move on. You see your daughter playing at the beach with her daddy or daddy helping her eat her lunch that they fixed together.
The life is a lot of give and take. You find balance at times and you live for those moments. You focus on the smiles and joys and try to forget the frustrations. Would I do it again, yes, in a heartbeat. But do I have days where I think, “What have we done?” Absolutely. You take the good with the bad and find laughter and move on. But all in all, I think that’s what life is all about anyway.